Color Me Pride

Pride Month each year is celebrated in reverence of the stonewall uprising of 1969 in the gay liberation movement; it marks the members of the LGBT+ community each year, and this is in support of all those people who struggle every day to find indeed and be able to freely express their sexuality and be untied of all the social expectations and stereotypes. The greater acceptance of the LGBT+ community has advanced much in this 21st century.

Still, people, even in this day and age, face many snide comments, satirical taunts, oppression, and sexual and verbal abuse. Understanding your sexuality, accepting yourself and your preferences, and exploring new stuff, when there’s no guiding figure or a less accepting environment can get complicated and exhausting. It can also create hopelessness.

Cossouq here brings you the stories of young people who came out as a ray of hope and relaxation that there are people like you and that you’re not alone in this.  We asked them how it felt to come out as a member of the LGBTQ community, what their journey was like, and how they accepted and led the battle against such prejudice.

OM PAREKH: 

- they/he

- 18

- Student at Ahmedabad University

So for me honestly coming out can be described in like 3 phases, first when you come out to your own self, secondly when you come out to your family, and then like socially to the world and I was pretty clear from the beginning since I knew that I am gonna be very open about it to everyone, so to come out to myself it was fairly easy, and I didn't have like “how can this be?” or self-doubts regarding this so that went smooth and my mother is extremely open and close to me so mom was the first one to know with me and then mom set me up with more sex counselors so I can get more idea about gender and sexuality which I explored accordingly. I never officially came out to my father or my extended family because I wanted it to be as normal as it should be, so I didn't like to tell them. Still, they know about who I have my crushes on and stuff, so that experience has also been very smooth. Socially, it was kind of disturbing because trolls and hatred are a lot on social media, so it took me a while to even put my pronouns out there in my bio and put the flag and stuff. I was very hesitant, but then I started being vocal about it physically, like on the college campus.

Then I got a tremendous amount of positive responses that made me feel comfortable, so then doing so on social media became easier. This experience again is based on the many privileges I have of having a supportive family that can afford education from a private university, and thus, I was able to feel comfortable. So, thanks to my other privileges, my coming out experience overall was relatively smooth. And my mom was also there, and I did have a couple of appointments with a sex expert who helped me gain clarity, but the only way that actually helped was by me exploring it and trying new stuff out. So I had support systems that encouraged me, but I won't use the word "guide" for them. I guided myself all throughout, and that's what my support systems also encouraged me to because no one can know what I feel like except me.

 I don't think this is a journey that can be achieved without you taking the lead and going into it because no one can know what I feel like except me.

I have been discouraged multiple times, not by any of my close people, though. I have been bullied, assaulted, pinched, and mocked on several occasions, people tried to tell me to pretend so I wouldn't face it, but I was not ready to do that. I always believed that even if someone mocks me, it won't affect me as much if I am at least being true to myself. So the world did try to put me in the box and tell me how to behave, which would often discourage someone, but I was very sure of not getting discouraged.

SAANJALY

- 18

- Student at Ahmedabad University

I didn't have a singular coming-out experience. I have been coming out to different people ever since I was 14. When I was 14, I came out to my friend, and she told everyone in my class, and because of that, I was socially excluded and lowkey bullied. People asked me highly insensitive questions (how do you have sex?), made wrong assumptions about me (“stay away from her "Kuch Kar Degi”), or were just plain dismissive of my sexuality. Granted that these were 14-year-olds who didn't know enough, it still hurt to experience that. I was all alone without any friends. And I was the only queer kid in the school. My coming out experience in my new school was different but equally wrong. I came out again when I was 16, but it was as if nothing had happened. People were grossed out whenever I would bring up my attraction to women and just dismiss it. My friends would do that. But luckily, I had one best friend who was very supportive throughout the journey.

It was a LONG process to realize that I identify as bisexual. I think I started questioning myself when I was 13? I realized I didn't have any crushes on boys ever. I would force myself to have "normal" crushes, but I was lowkey obsessed with women. 

But yeah. I was obsessed with women. in TV shows and movies and everything. That's why I originally came out as a lesbian. But I realized I liked men also when I was 16, so I came out as bi. Labels change all the time. Even now, I'm not sure I'm actually bi? It's tough to explain. I just use the "bi" label because it's the easiest to understand and explain to people. Bullying and Abuse are an everyday reality. I was privileged, actually. To an extent, it does feel liberating; yes, it's better for me to come out. But I'm not entirely out yet. I don't actively hide my sexuality, but many people don't know about it, my parents especially.

In school, being out made no difference. Being out gave me the confidence and the ability to love myself. I struggled with internalized homophobia. I HATED being like this.

But when everyone is against you because of what you are, all you can do is aggressively keep on being yourself just to spite them.

It did feel better not to care what others think of me anymore. Though it still hurts that I lost many friends. Coming out has its ups and downs. I think straight people have a tendency to romanticize coming out and "being your authentic self." We don't owe our identity to anyone. Even if I'm technically "out" to the entire college, I'm not obligated to tell people I don't want to. You can still be your authentic self to a great extent when you're closeted.

DARSH PARIKH 

- 18 

-Student at NMIMS

My experience was pretty chill with friends and family, there was not much controversy, or I didn’t face much backlash, but until you say it, a lot of anxiety builds up. It felt quite liberating later. It does get a little confusing and exhausting at times, but then as time passes, it gets clearer, you develop with your experiences, and there’s no such fixed notion or a frame in my mind that right now I am gay or I like men only, as I can be firm. It was fairly easy to manage with all the friends, family, and the internet.

All these stories make us realize that the internet has been both a boon and a bane. As much as there are good and accepting people, there is an equal amount of people who will pull you down.

But the key takeaway here is that coming out can mean different things to different people.

It can be a very varied experience for each person. It can make you feel confused, exhausted, liberated, and happy at the same time, and it is okay to feel so.

Cossouq, as an ally, supports you and is there for you.